


One Day Only The Butterflies Will Be Left In Your Chest As You March Towards Your Death

by BlackWidowsHill



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Brainwashing, F/F, Femslash February, Manipulation, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Recovery, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, mention of miscarriage, you can pry soulmate au from my cold dead hands.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29451117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackWidowsHill/pseuds/BlackWidowsHill
Summary: The Red Room kidnapped Maria and turn her into a mindless weapon for one purpose, and one purpose only: to bring back Natasha Romanoff.All spiders must return home.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Maria Hill, Laura Barton & Maria Hill, Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 16
Kudos: 138





	One Day Only The Butterflies Will Be Left In Your Chest As You March Towards Your Death

**Author's Note:**

> I intended for this to be 5k. That plan went out the window.
> 
> If the writing seems disjointed - it's on purpose.

Maria did not plan on being kidnapped today, but the bomb strapped to the child's chest quickly changed that plan. She had been on her usual morning jog, clearing her mind for the day ahead of her when the small child approached her. The child's wobbly voice quickly sent a shiver down her spine and she had stopped in her tracks for the girl, quickly glancing around to see who the hell let their child out in a park at 5:30am.

She could not remember the last time she felt fear like that when the girl unzipped her jacket to show a complicated bomb strapped to her chest. The first thing that clicked in her head was that it looked like the ones Natasha created when she had time to prep for her more explosive missions.

“J-just follow their orders, please miss! Or they'll kill me and my brothers.” The girl sobbed. It seemed like the girl had been crying for while based on the raw look of her eyes.

Maria knew at that moment she'd be taken, possibly killed. She clocked several figures leaving an SUV to her side and scowled.

“Everything will be okay.” She had reassured her, Maria had no intention of letting anything happen to this child. A helpless victim dragged into a dangerous, political situation between countries and agencies. Maria only knew of one agency who would stoop so low to use children as a means to an end – the Red Room.

Maria gritted her teeth as the figures finally arrived.

“You'd do well to comply.” The heavily accented voice told her.

Maria stood, she did not bother to acknowledge them. She kept eye contact with the child who was looking at her fearfully. Maria's arms were forcibly pulled behind her back and handcuffed. Standard procedure when kidnapping someone.

“Let the kid go.” Maria growled.

The laugh and easy compliance should have warned her.

An arm was raised and she prepared herself to be knocked out, she knew how this worked. It was not her first kidnapping. It was, however, the first time a child has died in her presence.

She couldn't even finishing screaming before she was knocked into the darkness. Natasha concern flashing through her mind.

* * *

When she woke up, she realised she was being held in a small cell. The dark surroundings put her on the edge as she surveyed the area with sharp eyes. After she did a quick scan of the room and asserted that there was no windows, one exit and one heavily enforced door, she decided the creepiest factor of this cell was definitely the bloody hand prints and claw marks on the walls.

She tried not to think too much about it.

The door open to reveal a rather imposing figure. Several of them in fact. Maria tried the hide the grimace of her face when they told her they were taking her for a recalibration session. For some reason, Maria did not think this would be much fun for her.

She was correct.

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“Fuck off, you sick pricks!”

“Take her back from some recalibration and try this again.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“You wont get me on your side. I won't turn against them!”

“Recalibrate her and try again.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“Stop, please. Just stop!”

“Again.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“No! No I wont, I WONT.”

“We're close. Again.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“We have a mission for you.”

“I am ready... fuck, no, stop please. Please just let me go.”

“Recalibrate. Again.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“We have a mission for you, Deputy Director.”

“I am... I am ready for my mission.”

“Again.”

* * *

_Балет._

A flash of pale legs wearing bright pink ballet shoes.

_Красный._

A flash of outrageous bright red hair.

_песочные часы._

A flash of a dripping hourglass.

_Начало._

A flash of life starting, the beginning.

_Вернуться._

A flash of a dead plant returned to new.

_двадцать четыре._

A flash of a date.

_Дубинка._

A flash of a pair of batons.

_Пистолет._

A flash of a pistol.

_Ржавый._

A piece of rusted metal.

_Забытый._

A photo of her slowly disappearing from a group photo.

Forgotten.

“I am ready for my mission.”

“It is done. _”_

* * *

Her head felt fuzzy as she walked the streets. She ignored the fuzziness and focused on her mission, a very important task she was told. She needed to infiltrate the Red Room to bring back an assets and to kill anyone who tried to stop her.

She had been informed that her target may struggle, attempt to convince her that the asset was where they needed to be and that she was in the wrong. It was nice of her superior to warn her of this, unneeded of course, Maria knew what she was doing. It was not her first rescue mission after all.

Maria almost scoffed at how easy it was to get into the Red Room's Headquarters, it was ridiculously easy. It put her on the edge. Was this a trap? She kept her head down as she navigated the corridors, she knew her target was most likely in one of the gyms. It was morning, no better way to wake up than a healthy sparring match.

She ignored the few stunned looks as she walked by. She was advised of this as well, informed that the Red Room agents thought she was one of them. No one would attempt to stop her until it was too late.

“Commander?”

Maria paused, there wasn't anyone else in the corridor. Did Red Room agents really think she was their Commander? She turned on her heel and stared down the agent who was staring at her in horror. Maria tilted her head at the woman's expression, she knew she had been working herself hard recently. Between preparing for this mission and being brief by Fury, she was running on low sleep.

“Commander, we need to get you to medical.” The agent spoke again, their voice still shook but there seemed to be a bit more confidence this time.

“I have a mission, agent.” Maria spoke, side stepping the agent as she attempted to grab Maria's arm.

“Ma'am, we need to get your Director Fury – you've been missing fo- woah, calm down Commander, friendly!” The woman yelled out as Maria whipped her gun out.

“Are you going to stop me from completing my mission?” Maria cooly asked. She kept an eye on her surroundings, so far they were alone.

“Ma'am, you're not on a mission” The agent started again, more gently this time.

Maria stared blankly at her, attempting to determine her motives. The woman seemed to be looking around for some help but also seemed genuine in her concern.

The fuzziness in her head was starting to feel heavy.

“Commander Hill.”

She knew that voice, it sent a feeling of relief through her. It was someone she could trust, reply on to get the job done. Did SHIELD have another operative undercover in the Red Room? Fury never mentioned it to her.

“Agent Hand.” She found herself automatically replying. She tried to figure out how she knew her name. Fury didn't mention anything about a Agent Hand.

“You've been missing a long time, Hill. Why don't we go to Fury's office and have a chat about it?” Hand asked. She seemed cautious, her eyes were focused on her but her attention was not. She seemed to be signalling to someone.

Nothing wasn't making sense. This is the Red Rooms Headquarters, not SHIELD. She had to get their asset back from the Red Room before they try to brainwash the agent. It must be a Red Room agent acting as one of her friends, trying to gain her trust.

They knew that she had infiltrated their headquarters.

“I think you are confused, Agent Hand.” Maria replied smoothly, her hand slowly going to the gun at her hip. She knew without a doubt the two agents were not going to let her pass. They were going to stop her from completing her from completing her mission.

“Natasha has been worried out her mind. Why don't we go see her instead?”

“I don't know a Natasha.” Maria snarled, bringing her gun up, levelling it with Hand's head. Images flashed through her mind, a woman with a deadly smirk pulling up her top to show writing along her ribs. The same woman following her through SHIELD corridors. Bringing her food. Watching movies together. Going on a road trip. Elation. Red hair, a smirk. A smile.

The first genuine smile she had ever seen from Natasha.

“Maria, what did they do to you?”

Maria was panting heavily as the fuzziness in her head grew until it become shards of glass, attempting to break her skull.

“I- Natasha – We, I, there was.” She attempted to get words out, but everything was a mess. Memories were hitting the shards of glass, breaking. Nothing was making sense in her head.

“ _Балет. Красный.”_ A voice whispered in her ear.

“No.” She gasped, no. She remembered this. She remember fighting that word. She remembered...she remembered?

“ _песочные часы. Начало.”_

“Stop!” She cried, gripping her head, gun still in hand.

“ _Вернуться. двадцать четыре.”_

“Tori, help me!” Maria cried out for her friend, a moment of clarity before losing it all.

“ _Дубинка. Пистолет. Ржавый.”_

“Run.” She warned her friend and fellow agent. Maria only hoped that they would heed her warning. She watched as Hand lifted a walkie and requested immediate back up.

“ _Забытый”_

Maria levelled the gun again and shot twice without care, she had a mission to complete. She walked over the bodies of the Red Room operatives and carried on making her way to her targets location.

Thankfully, she did not encounter anyone else on her trip. She could not be bothered with another showdown like that. It was bothersome. Maria's eyes swept over the area, not pausing as she noted the snipe in the rafts. Did the Red Room really think she was the much of an amateur? She scoff and fired off two shots.

She noted the sniper was down when she heard the dull thud of a body hitting the floor.

Maria paused outside her intended location. Her target should be inside. A part of her hoped that they would come easily, dragging an unwilling companion through an enemy base was not the easiest mission.

It was not the hardest either.

Maria pushed the door open, her body tense as she noted a lone figure in the gym. The only figure that was visible at least. She noted that there were several tense bodies hiding around corner and in the gym's observatory.

She had a mission to complete.

She walked closer to the figure, needing to confirm that they were the asset. Maria was given a brief description of the woman, red hair; green eyes; lean body – a dancer's body. Their target would have script on their ribs – a soulmark she was told – and they would have a visible response to the trigger phrase.

“Agent.” Maria said, running her eyes over the woman. She fit the description, the sports bra she was wearing showed the words on her ribs.

“Maria.” The woman replied. Her body was tense and her eyes full of sorrow. It made the fuzziness return.

Maria took a step closer, her hand holding tightly onto her gun to prepare for a fight. “I'm here to bring you home.”

“I am home, Maria.” The redhead replied softly, her eyes bore into Maria's. Maria had to admit, the woman had some of the brightest, green eyes that she had ever seen, but full of sorrow, pain, guilt and anger.

She wanted to get lost in them.

“All spiders must eventually return home.” Maria replied just as softly, if a bit cautious. Fury told her the asset would have a visible reaction to the sentence.

He was correct.

Maria watched as the woman gasped harshly, taking a step back form her. The woman's hands rose to her head as she let out a low groan. Maria grimaced in sympathy, sometimes Fury would say a trigger sentence to her which resulted in a similar reaction. The intense pain, the feeling of needing to escape, to fight, to run, to fight, to run – to do something before the blissfulness of nothing washed over her.

Maria waited patiently for the feeling of nothing to take over the asset, it should only take a few seconds based on her own experience.

“That was low, Maria.” The woman groaned out as she steadied herself. The redhead gave her an intense stare, she was now in a more defensive position. Smart – annoying, but smart.

“Fury said you might have been annoyed by that. Although he was confident it would remind you of your roots, your home. SHIELD.” Maria replied, shifting on her feet. She counted at least seven other people hiding throughout the room. Her odds were not looking so great.

Without seeing them, Maria could not accurately calculate how many she could take out. If she were to base it on the average Red Room agent, she could probably take out all seven of them herself. She highly doubted that they were average Red Room agents.

This would be much easier if their asset came with them willingly. She had read the woman's file, it was a modern day tragedy. Kidnapped at a young age by the Red Room, forced to undergo training to become the ultimate spy. Maria wanted to wipe the file from her mind when she read it – no child should have ever had to go through that.

One thing that did stand out in the file, the asset has had their memory wiped and altered on more than one occasion and had many triggers implanted to ensure loyalty to the Red Room.

Maria questioned Fury as to why he thought it was best to put more triggers in the woman's head. He told her it was a failsafe in case the Red Room ever got ahold of her. The trigger phrase would overwrite everything and would remind her of her home with them.

“Maria, do you remember me?” The woman spoke again. She asked with such fear as though Maria saying no would destroy her. She knew that the best policy with the target was honesty. If the deadly spy detected a hint of a lie whilst thinking she was an operative of the Red Room, Maria would be in a lot of trouble.

“No.”

The woman looked away, her face tightening and she let out a shuddering breath. Maria could hear the woman whisper that she was going to kill them for what they did to her. Maria tilted her head at that, Fury had not done anything to her. It seemed their target was too far gone and the only way to get her out was by force. Fury mentioned that she could use excessive force to bring their asset home, but she had to be alive.

“Are you going to come home willingly?” Maria questioned her, giving the woman one last chance.

“Maria, I am home.”

Excessive force it was then.

Without hesitating, Maria fired off a shot at her target. Wounding them with a bullet was the easiest way to go about this, most people generally don't get back up after being shot and were too slow to avoid a shot like that. One shot and Maria could get out of here, away from the Red Room.

Except her target just happens to be a master spy and of course would not be taken down with one bullet. Maria felt a twinge of annoyance but shoved it down and focused on her mission. Nothing else mattered.

She decided to forego shooting her target and charged at her. Fury had informed her the woman was one of their best agents, no one could top her. Which is why Maria spent the last few months in intense training, preparing for this moment.

She moved swiftly, putting her full weight behind each punch, each kick, each sweep of the legs. She watched the other woman like a hawk, carefully analysing her fighting style. Something about it was familiar, it was like sparring with an old partner she had a SHIELD, but Maria had long forgotten her name.

Maria had to admit, fighting with her target was a thrill. It was almost like she could sense the next move that she was going to make, her body moving before her mind could catch up. She felt a smile grow on her face as the fight continued. Maria really hoped the asset would spar with her once they got back to SHIELD, it would be good for her training to spar with someone at this level.

When her target leapt towards her and wrapped her legs around her neck, Maria automatically flung herself onto her back, pushing herself upward to break out of the grip and flatten her opponent. A memory flashed through her mind.

“ _God damn it, Natasha!” Maria growled as she clawed at the woman's thighs._

“ _You got to learn somehow, Hill!” Natasha laughed, tightening her thighs around Maria's neck before letting her go._

Maria blinked. Natasha? Is this the same person that the fake Victoria Hand thought was important to her?

“Natasha?” Maria whispered, freezing on the floor. She could feel her target slip out from underneath her, getting to her feet.

The fuzziness increased and once again, she felt those shard piercing her head. Breaking through, trying to break her.

“That's it.” Natasha cooed at her, “I'm Natasha. Natasha Romanoff. Do you remember now?”

Maria continued to stare at the celling, hoping it would provide an answer. She could distantly hear her handler shouting in her ear. He was irritating, Maria would be sure to put a bullet between his eyes when she got back. Fury would be pissed, but he'd understand.

No wait. That wasn't her. She wouldn't shoot a handler.

Would she?

She vaguely registered Natasha kneeling down beside her. Her hand reach Maria, slowly cupping her face. Natasha gently rub her thumb along Maria's cheek. The soothing effect it had on her was worrying. She had never met this woman before, why was her touch comforting?

“Maria, I know what you are feeling right now. Nothing makes sense, does it? Things aren't adding up, your own actions, thoughts and feelings aren't right. There's something about them. Memories sitting so close to the front of your brain but you can't grasp them, don't understand them.” Natasha spoke softly to her, as though she was a frightened kitten.

A memory of a black cat hissing at her, scratching at her. Countless hours of lying on the floor holding treats, coxing the cat to come near her. Feelings of triumph and smugness as the cat lay on her lap, purring away.

“Liho.” Maria whispered, staring in Natasha's eyes.

Natasha smiled softly, her grip on Maria's face tightening ever so slightly. “She misses you. Misses the way you spoil her with chicken.”

“I- I don't understand.” Maria confessed, her own hand feeling compelled to touch Natasha's face. It looked so soft, she wondered if Natasha would react the same way she did.

“It's okay. I can help. Fury can help.”

Maria felt agitated at that. “No!” She snapped, sitting up and pushing Natasha away from her. “Fury sent me here to bring you home.”

Natasha looked lost, “Maria... they fucked with your head. Fury is in the observatory. You're in the Triskellion Maria.”

Maria shook her head, pushing away the memories, pushing down the shards of glass tearing her mind apart. She had a mission to complete. She did not intend to fail her mission. Maria Hill does not fail.

“You're lying. Fury told me that you would imply that this was SHIELD.” Maria growled, glaring at Natasha. “Just give up and let's go home. Our odds of getting out of here are significantly higher if you just co-operate! Do you think I'm stupid enough to not know that there are seven other people in this room?”

“Maria calm down. I'm not lying to you. We're in the Triskellion, how else would you know this was my favourite gym?” Natasha pleaded with her.

Maria faltered at that one before angrily snapping back “It was in the file Fury gave me! You reported this back to him in your regular debriefs. The Red Room have messed with your mind. Again. You need to come home now agent, that's an ordered.” Maria snarled, getting impatient with Natasha.

“Maria you've been gone for five months!” Natasha yelled at her, her face looking suspiciously wet. Was she crying? What the hell did the Red Room to do to her? This women went through hell as a child, it is not an easy feat to upset her.

“I haven't been gone for five months!” Maria snapped back, “I've been training for this! Pouring over missions files, day in day out in sparring matches. I've spent so much time getting better to get you back in one piece. Now just home for home.”

Natasha did something rather unexpected. She launched herself at Maria and kissed her. Maria struggled against her, trying to push her back but Natasha held on tightly. One hand in Maria's hair, gripping tightly to keep her head still and one hand going under her top, sneaking up her back.

The one place Fury told Maria not to let the asset touch.

The fuzziness was back with a vengeance, pushing and pulling memories. Hammering her head with thoughts that weren't her own. It felt like it was tearing her mind apart and it was excruciating. She screamed helpless against Natasha, going feral in her attempts to escape.

“Nat, stop! You're going to break her.” A male voice called out.

Natasha shoved her away, a cold detached look on her face as Maria fell to the ground. “That was the point.”

Maria slammed her eyes shut as she attempted to regain control. What had happened? Everything was a mess, nothing was making sense. Everything just being jumbled together. How did she end up on the floor? Who was standing over her? Who was speaking in her ear.

What the hell was going on?

“ _Балет. Красный.”_ The voice in her ear started.

Maria almost cried in relief. She knew what was coming, this would fix everything. Put her mind back to what it should be. She was the Deputy Director of SHIELD, not some whimpering mess.

“Ballet. Red.” She parroted back in a whisper, fingers scratching on the floor as she waited for the rest of the phrases.

“ _песочные часы. Начало. Вернуться.”_

“Hourglass. Beginning. Return.” She continued in a whisper.

“What is she saying?” Someone asked.

“They've got her- they fucking – its trigger words!”

“Someone keep a note of what she is saying. We will need this for the deprogramming.” A low voice rumbled.

“So what, we just let this trigger phrase happen and let her turn back into whatever the hell that was?” Someone snapped.

“This is the only chance we've got to get the tigger phrases. Do any of you understand how difficult it is to deprogram someone without the phrases?”

“It's painful.” Natasha whispered.

“ _двадцать четыре. Дубинка. Пистолет.”_

“Twenty-Four. Baton. Gun.”

_"Ржавый. Забытый”_

“Rusted. Forgotten.” Maria closed her eyes as the feeling of nothing washed over her. The tearing of her brain stopped and her limbs relaxed. She let out a low breath before quickly moving to her feet, a knife springing free from her hand as it embedded itself in a woman's thigh.

She ducked from a punch and responded with her own sucker punch to the person's gut. She heard the man's breath leave his lungs, a groan of pain as he doubled over. Maria was quick and slammed the gun to the back of his head, knocking him out.

She quickly turn and grabbed the leg flying towards her face. Maria quirked an eyebrow at the blonde woman before twisting the leg harshly, not letting go until she her a snap and a sharp cry. Maria slammed her head against the blonde's, satisfied that she went down easily.

“New mission Deputy Director. Fury wants you to come home. The asset is too far gone right now. Too well protected. Return to us.” Her handler informed her.

“Affirmative.” Maria responded, changing her plan to accommodate her new mission.

Apparently her change in plan was clear to those around her.

“She going to leave.” A blonde hair man said. Captain America, Maria quickly registered. Enhanced. Maria did not stand a chance against him in a battle of strength. She would have to be quick and sneaky if she wanted to evade him.

“She's enhanced and her level of hand to hand combat has increased.” Natasha warned them.

“What makes you think she's enhanced.” Another voice questioned.

They were creating a circle around her, making the chances of escape much smaller. They were also idiots for talking as though she was not there. Did they always announce the information they held on a target aloud to them?

“I'm not going to make it back.” Maria muttered. “I'll take as many down as possible.”

“Negative. Return at all costs.” Her handler demanded.

Maria pulled out her ear piece and crushed it between her fingers. Idiots. Being a good agents is understanding when you are outmatch. Another part of being a good agent is making sure you take as many of the enemy forces down before you were killed.

Maria was hoping to kill two them before she was put down.

She sprung into action, going for the man who appeared to be in his mid-forties. He was the weakest link, he clearly had combat experience but not as much as the others. She went for his throat but was blocked by the another agent. She glance blankly at him before dropping another knife into her hand and slashing at his side.

From there is descended into chaos. Maria was weaving in and out of limbs, cutting and snapping along the way. It was easy enough to do when they were going easy on her it. It was clear none of them wanted to hurt her. The only person who seemed to understand the stakes was the redhead. She had a certain look in her eye that told Maria that she has been in this situation before.

The longer the fight went on, the more her opponents seemed to grasp the fact that they were going to have to actually hurt her in order to take her down. Their hits were coming in harder and were using more underhand tactics in order to stop her. She gave a grunt when a knife found its way in her shoulders, courtesy of the redhead.

Maria found herself meeting the redhead's eyes, expecting to see a smug face. Instead she was greeting with a woman openly crying, her eyes red as tears continued to fall down her face. It threw Maria. What kind of agent cried when fighting an enemy? It did not matter, asset or not, they were in a fight to the death and Maria intended to win. She levelled the gun with the agents head and paused.

Those eyes. Maria could just get lost in them.

Unfortunately, her hesitancy was her downfall. As she pulled the trigger, she heard a whispered sorry before a gun impacted the back of her head, sending her to the realm of darkness.

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“I am ready for my mission.”

“Try again. You've got this, Maria. Fight it.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“I-I am ready for my...mission.”

“We're getting closer. Again. Come on, Maria.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“Please stop. Stop, please. I don't want to do this.”

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“I am ready for my mission.”

“Again. Maria, where is that stubborn attitude I know you have.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“No. please stop. Please don't make me into that again.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“I am...no...I don't want to go on a mission.”

“Good, Maria.”

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“Please let me sleep.”

“We're almost done, lets give her a break”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“...”

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“Go fuck yourself.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“Fuck off.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“Fury, I'm fine.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“Coulson, May. I'm fine. Honestly.”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

“Natasha...”

* * *

_Балет._

_Красный._

_песочные часы._

_Начало._

_Вернуться._

_двадцать четыре._

_Дубинка._

_Пистолет._

_Ржавый._

_Забытый._

Maria did her best not to flinch at those words. She stared straight ahead, waiting for them to say the list again. The doctors had been testing how many times they could say it before she'd break again. So far they've gotten to fifty times in a row with no reaction. She really hope this was them finally signing off that she was stable again.

“I think we're good here. I'd like to keep an eye on her though, Director Fury. But she can start back at work again. I'd suggest desk duty only and part-time. Don't let her work like she used to, sir.”

Maria tried not to scowl at that. She had nearly a year of work to catch up on, to read up on new recruits and old missions. A lot can happen in a year and if Maria had any hope of going back to her position of being Deputy Director with any success, she'd need to be update to date on everything.

“Understood Doc. I'll take her from here.” Fury said, placing his hand on Maria's should and began guiding her out the medical wing.

Maria stayed silent as the walked to his office. She ignored the looks and whispers she was getting from the other agents. She knew some of them were wondering why the hell she was allowed back after releasing their secrets and almost killing several agents during the past year. Quietly, Maria was wondering that as well. She figured, at the bare minimum, some of the level 7's and 8's were kicking up a fuss about her still being allowed a position of power. A part of her wondering if any of it was out of genuine concern or if it was a power grab.

She knew Fury had spoken with the World Security Council, along with Natasha and Coulson and apparently they were content to let Maria keep her position. She thought it was a mistake. A happy mistake, Maria had no idea what she would do with her life if she did not work for SHIELD. Before this entire incident, she worked for nearly 12 hours a day and was on call 24/7 unless she requested annual leave – even then there were times she was called back for an emergency.

Maria was lucky in that her soulmate was the same.

She winced at the thought of Natasha. She had only spoken with her wife once since attempting to kill her. Natasha had barged into Maria's room, repeating her trigger phrase at her over and over. Thankfully, by this point, Maria had been semi-clear by the Doctors. Maybe that was why Natasha choose that moment to appear. Her wife had continue to repeat her trigger phrase at her until her voice crack. Maria still remembered the crumpled look of relief on her face before she had quickly looked away from Maria, trying to hide her watery eyes.

“Try not to think too hard, Hill.” Fury muttered as they neared his office.

“Yes, Sir.” She replied, not in the mood for their usual banter.

She heard Fury sigh at the automatic response, but did not press the issue any further. He simply guided Maria inside his office and she had to hide the scowl on her face as she saw the occupants in there.

“Traitor.” She grumbled at him, choosing to take a seat far away from everyone else.

She ignored the hurt look on Natasha's face. She honestly did not know why Natasha was not angry at her, why she was not trying to break things off with Maria. Maria was genuinely confused as to why Natasha hasn't slapped her with divorce papers yet. Who wants to be soulmates, and married, to someone who tried to kill them?

“I know you, Hill. You were going to avoid them. Now we can avoid that.” Fury replied, settling into his char at his desk. “Talk.” He ordered, waving his hand at them.

Maria stared blankly at him. Did he seriously expect her to just talk to the people she attempted to murder for simply getting in her way?

“It's creepy when you do that. Reminds me when we first brought Nat back.” Clint spoke up, shuddering at the memory.

Maria glanced at him, keeping her face blank. She did not know how to handle this situation, did not know what to say or how to act. She almost wished she was back under _their_ control to avoid this. To avoid dealing with the fallout of her actions. It was such a cowardly thought.

She heard Clint sigh and a few people shifted. It seemed no one knew what to do or say. Unusual since this group was usually so outspoken. The people in the office were those who attempted to stop her: Victoria, Clint, Bobbi, Sharon, Coulson, May and Natasha. Steve had also been in the gym but she imagined he'd be even more uncomfortable in this situation than she was – they weren't exactly close.

Fury had informed her of the damage she inflicted on the others. She broke Sharon's leg by twisting it until it wouldn't twist further. She shot Victoria in the shoulder. She broke some of Clint's ribs and split the back of his head opened. She stabbed May in the thigh and left a deep gash on her forehead. Steve had several cuts from her knife. Bobbi had gotten stabbed in the shoulder. Natasha....she had shot Natasha. She shot her soulmate and that was something she would never forgive herself for.

“She's got the same rigid stillness that Natasha had when she first joined.” Coulson added lightly, attempting to restart the conversation. Although, Maria had no idea why the hell they were comparing her to when they first met Natasha.

Maria continued to stare at them, wondering where they were going to go with this. She registered that Natasha was staring at her, a hint of desperation in her eyes.

God, those eyes. Maria just wanted to get lost in them.

“Do you remember when Nat first started, we basically had to teach her how to have actual fun? Not the fun the Red Room taught her to get to her targets.” Clint started again, a chuckle making its way through his throat. “I've never seen anyone more confused at a carnival than Nat.”

May gave a snort. “Of course the first thing you did with the world's deadliest assassin was take her to a carnival.”

“Hey, I had to show her my roots! Give her a sense of who I am.” Clint defended.

“A man child?” Natasha teased, a smile in place. It didn't reach her eyes though. Maria frowned at that. Natasha did not deserve to be sad.

“Do you guys remember Natasha smiling for the first time?” Sharon asked, leaning back against the couch as her eyes flickered to Maria.

Coulson nodded “Same trip, wasn't it?”

“Yeah. Didn't Maria suck up her pride and ask Clint on how to beat one of the games so she could win Natasha a giant teddy bare?” Bobbi asked.

“Nah, Maria actually managed to do that on her own. I was impressed. Although, I think that was the only game she won big on that night.” Clint replied, his eyebrows creased in thought.

Maria, however, blinked in shock at that tidbit of information. “I was there?”

The occupants of the room froze, causing Maria to tense up. Her hand automatically went to her thigh to grab her gun but her fingers fell flat against her jeans.

“Wow, chill.” Clint said, hands going up to show he wasn't holding anything. Natasha quickly followed his example, her eyes trained on Maria. One by one, the rest of the group copied his stance. “It's okay, Maria. We were just... a little shocked, that's all. We are going to hurt you.” He reassured her, giving her what she assumed was one of his charming smiles.

“I'm sorry.” Maria automatically said. She wondered how long people will have that type of reaction around her. “I just... there's some blanks in my memory... I thought Fury told you guys.” She looked over at her boss.

Fury raised an eyebrow at her “Of course I told them. Who do you take me for?”

“Sorry sir.” She apologised again.

“No need to apologise, Maria.” Fury said, giving her a look.

“Sorry.” She paused and cringed. “Sorry for saying sorry.”

“Maria.”

“Yes sir?”

“If I hear you say sorry one more time, I'm sending you to babysit Stark.”

Maria grimaced, from what she remembered, it was a hit or a miss if the two of them got on. “Understood Sir.”

Fury nodded at her words, sitting back and waved his hand at the group. “Continue.”

“Your wish is our command.” Clint snarked.

“Anymore of your cheek, Barton and you'll be joining Hill on the babysitting punishment.” Fury smirked back.

“Losing the cheek, Sir.” Clint assured him.

“Good.”

The group lapsed into a moment of silence, everyone unsure where to go next.

“I forgive you.”

Maria's head shot toward Victoria, who looked her usual calm self.

“You did not know what you were doing and when you had a moment of clarity, you asked for help and told me to run.” Victoria continued. “Maria, we all know what a great shot you are. You do not miss. You were aiming for my head yet you shot my shoulder. You were aiming for Agent Marley's head, but you also get her in the shoulder. I believe that there was a part of you trying to minimise the hurt you were causing people.”

Maria sat stunned. She didn't understand, sure she was a great shot but she does not hit her mark all the time. Victoria got lucky that Maria did not blow her head off.

“I'm not that great of a shot.” Maria found herself saying. “I miss all the time.”

May scoffed. “Bullshit. I trained you. Coulson trained you. Fury trained you. Heck, we even had Barton train you in Marksmanship. You do not miss. That is a fact.”

Maria gave her a blank look, resisting the urge to tilt her head in questioning. A weird habit that she picked up within the last year.

“Whilst we are on the topic. I forgive you as well, not that there is anything to forgive. You had been kidnapped, tortured and brainwashed for five months.” May continued, giving her a hard stare that said not to argue with her.

Maria was going to anyways. She opened her mouth to response but May cut her off. May walked confidently to wear she sat and crouched down till they were eye level.

“Maria Christine Hill.” She snapped. “I am not one for words but today I will tell you as many times as you need. You are not at fault. None of this was your fault. If you still need to hear it, I forgive you. Everyone does.”

“No one blames you, Maria.” Sharon added quietly.

“You should though.” Maria replied quietly. “I allowed myself to get kidnapped. I was weak enough to break. I spilled SHIELD's secrets like it was nothing. I ruined missions, exposed undercover operatives and cause a massive security breach within SHIELD. Not to mention I tried to kill you all without remorse.”

“It wasn't that much of a security breach.” Fury commented casually.

Everyone turned to look at him. He glared at them back.

“Am I the only one who remembers what the procedure is for the kidnapping of a high ranked agent?” He asked.

Maria stared blankly at him, she couldn't remember what the procedure was.

“Hill gets a pass cause her memory is a bit iffy.” Clint called out. “For the rest of you, shame on you.”

“Do you know what it is, Barton?” Fury questioned.

“Uhhh.”

Fury rolled his eye at his antics. “The current procedures state that if a high ranked agent is kidnapped and it has been over two weeks with no leads, no contact from the agent then we are to do a massive recall. We call in all the agents who were on a mission that the agent knew about and all security access is changed.”

Maria blinked. She had forgotten about that, but it seemed like a good policy. It would mean that even if someone was tortured for information, if they could hold out that long, it wouldn't matter what they said as it would all be irrelevant. It was a very good policy, she wondered who came up with it.

“Who came up with this policy?” She asked Fury.

He gave her another one of his looks. “You really don't remember?”

She shook her head. There wasn't much she remembered about the specifics of SHIELD, she did her best to hide this from Fury and the Doctors in hopes it would not delay her return to work.

“You did Maria. You were worried about what would happen if you were taken, or if Hand or Blake were kidnapped for information. You figured this was the best solution.”

That shocked Maria. She came up with this? She was almost disappointed that she did not remember. “Well... at least that's some sort of comfort.” She muttered, mainly to herself but May heard. May gave her knee a gentle squeeze, a well telegraphed movement in order not to spook Maria.

The group went back to sitting in silence. May had given Maria's knee once last comforting squeeze before going back to her, sensing that her proximity was starting to overwhelm Maria. She wondered if she should start the conversation for once, but did not know what to say. Sorry for going crazy and attempting to kill all of you?

“I forgive you.” Natasha whispered.

Maria looked over at her soulmate. Her green eyes held so much pain and Maria was the cause of that. Maria looked down at her hands, not wanting to acknowledge the forgiveness.

“I forgive you.” Natasha said louder this time. Maria heard her get up from her seat and crouching down in front of her like May did. Natasha raised her hand to Maria's face and she did her best not to flinch. A finger was put under her chin and Natasha lifted Maria's chin until their eyes met.

Those green eyes. Maria wanted to get lost in them.

“I forgive you.” Natasha repeated. “I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you.” She continued to repeat, her eyes tearing up once again. Natasha continued to mutter this to a shocked Maria and rested her forehead against Maria's.

“I forgive you, Mia. But you don't need it. I never blamed you for this, this wasn't you fault. It was mine.” Natasha whispered, her hand moved to the back of Maria's head to keep her in place. It briefly reminded her of the rough kiss Natasha gave her in the gym.

“It's not your fault.” Maria whispered back, she clenched her hands. She wanted so badly to touch Natasha back, to hold her, to offer comfort but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to touch someone as pure as Natasha. She would taint her with what she had done.

“Maria, honey, they only went after you because of me. They wanted to _hurt_ me. You are my one weakness and they exploited that. I am so sorry, I should have protected you better.”

“It's not your fault.” Maria repeated, she was confused as to how Natasha thought it was her fault. It wasn't like she had a choice in becoming part of the Red Room, she was a child. Maria went willingly and ultimately, wasn't strong enough to not break. She allowed them to beat her senseless day in, day out. She was starved, beaten, drugged and her mind fucked with in ways she did not want to recount.

“Do you blame me?” Natasha asked, abruptly changing the topic.

“What?”

“Do you blame me for what happened when we first met?” Natasha demanded, a frantic look in her eyes. Maria assumed that she wanted to use their first encounter as an example as to why Maria shouldn't blame herself.

Only one problem; Maria doesn't remember meeting Natasha.

Her hesitation to answer gave away her secret.

“You don't remember.” Natasha slowly said. Her hand slipped from Maria's head and she stood up. Natasha seemed lost, like she did not know what to do next.

“How much do you remember.” Fury asked this time.

Maria looked over at him and gave a shrug. “They took everything except you. They wanted me to believe I was with SHIELD and the only way they could get that to work was by leaving my memory of you and the trust we had. Everything else is....fuzzy.”

“Fuzzy?” He repeated.

“Fuzzy.” Maria confirmed. She wasn't sure how else to describe it, she knew her memories were still in her head. The deprogramming made that clear, but she just couldn't access them. Instead she was left with flashes of past events, occasionally a feeling connected to it. Most of the time she didn't remember anything about her life.

“Natasha used to say similar things when we first brought her in during her deprogramming.” Clint offered up, “they seemed to come back in flashes over the course of a few weeks after the docs said she was good to go.”

“I remember. That was not fun.” Natasha grimaced.

Fury sighed, “I can't allow you to come back to work with the majority of your memories gone.”

“I can read up on things!” Maria protest, she really did not want to be left alone with her thoughts since the only memories she really had were of being controlled by the Red Room.

“Sorry Hill, I can't allow you to work on mission plans or give orders like this.”

“Sir!” Maria protested again, she couldn't be sidelined like this. She had been graciously allowed to keep her job, she wasn't going to mess up her last chance.

“Hand and Blake have been doing a good job in your absence. They can keep going until your memories back. What is a few more weeks compared to nearly a year?” Fury said.

Maria grumbled “Knowing I'm in control. Knowing whats real and what isn't.”

Once again, Maria silenced the room with her words.

“Sorry kid, I can't allow this.” Fury said softly.

Maria made a face at the tone he was using. She was used to snark, attitude, anger and dry humour from her boss, not this soft, caring side. Him calling her kid though? That made some warm fuzzy feelings inside that she would analyse later.

Natasha gave a snort “she likes she calling her kid. The tone you used? Not so much.”

Maria gave her a startled look. How the hell did she know that?

“You've forgotten what a soul-bond feels like. I'm holding it back for your right now, you've got enough on your plate without getting my emotions for the situation.” Natasha explained. “You remember that soul-bonds exists, right?”

She hadn't. A small thing she had forgotten until Natasha mentioned it. The Red Room did not like Maria having the soul-bond and did their best to dilute it, to try and break it.

Maria's breath hitched as she thought back on what they did to her. The experiments to remove the soul-bond, feeling Natasha's pain as they somehow found a way to tug on it, to manipulate it, making Maria feel Natasha die over and over. They diluted it so much that it felt like it was gone.

That's what broke her.

A hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present. She gripped the arm and twist, moving her body with it and pinned the person to the ground. Clint gave a grunt as he was slammed into the ground with Maria twisting his arm behind his back.

She quickly climbed off him once she realised he was friendly, “sorry.” She muttered as she helped him back up. Secretly she as glad it was Clint she flipped and not Natasha. She wasn't sure if she would survive hurting her again.

“Don't worry about it.” Clint cheerily said.

Maria automatically rolled her eyes at his response. Such a Barton thing to say.

“See? You're already starting to get back your memories.” He cheekily told her.

“You're a pain in my ass, Barton.” She found herself saying, a ghost of a smile on her face. The words seemed familiar, they rolled of her tongue before she could even think about what she was saying.

“Damn right I am.” He grinned at her, though it did not reach his eyes. Like most of the occupants in the room, every time they smiled at her, they failed to conceal the sadness in their eyes. “I have an idea!” He announced.

Coulson grimaced at that “On a scale of 1-10, how good of an idea do you think this is?”

Clint looked at his old handler, clearly offended. “On a scale of 1-1-, how good of an idea did you think lying about your death was?”

Coulson looked ashamed at that comment. Maria raised an eyebrow. “You lied about your death?”

“That's a conversation for another day.” May quickly told her, cutting the conversation off before it could start.

Maria gave a shrug. It wasn't really her business anyways, it wasn't the first time someone fake their death in this industry but it was unusual that he did not let one of his best friends know he was alive.

“What's your idea, Barton.” Hand asked, clearly wanting to move the conversation on.

“I'll take Maria home – with Nat of course – but my house is off the grid plus who else in this room has actually dealt with someone who was recovering from being brainwashed?” Clint told them.

“Thats... actually not a bad idea.” Fury started slowly, “did you ever tell Maria about your home?”

“She been several times, but from the look on her face it's clear she doesn't remember it.”

“It's a brilliant idea.” Natasha commented, “going to your home when I was...recovering, was one of the best ideas.”

Fury seemed to contemplate it before answering. “Alright, fine. Maria you're on medical leave until further notice. Romanoff, we'll work something out in a couple of weeks.”

Natasha gave a nod. “We'll leave the now then. I'll go grab out stuff, Clint go ready to the quinjet.”

“Yes Ma'am.” He smartly replied, a lazy smirk on his face as he left the room.

“I'll back in about half an hour.” Natasha told Maria, her hand went to touch her but quickly retreated, clearly thinking it was best not to.

The room quickly cleared out after that. May paused next to Maria, she seemed to contemplate her options before slowly putting her hand on Maria's shoulder and giving it a squeeze. A quiet sign of support. May was more affectionate that she used to be, must be the new team she is in. Maria wondered if she could steal a hug from her.

She decided to move quickly before she scared off May, moving from a sitting position to wrapping her arms around her old mentor. She held on tightly as she rested her chin on May's shoulder. Maria was grateful that May did not tense, did not flinch but simply wrapped her arms around Maria.

“I win.” Maria whispered softly, eyes flickering to Coulson who looked shocked.

“Seriously? Did you let yourself get kidnapped and brainwashed so you could win a bet about who would get a hug off of May first?” Coulson demanded.

May chuckled in her ear, “sounds like something you would do, Maria.”

Maria felt her lips tug upwards, she figured it was something Natasha would do rather than herself. “I forgot we had that bet.”

“When did you remember?” May question, not moving out of the embrace.

“When I hugged you.”

“What made you hug me?”

“I remembered that you weren't usually this affectionate.”

“I suppose this is a good sign, right? She's getting her memories back pretty fast.” Coulson asked Fury.

“Of course Hill starts to get her memories back when I tell her she can't work. Typical.” Fury grumbled.

Maria held onto May a little longer before letting her go. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome. Next time you two make a bet like that, try not to let me hear you.” May rolled her eyes at them.

Of course May heard them make the bet.

“We better go, I don't trust our team to be left to their own devices for too long. We'll keep in touch, Maria.” Coulson told her with a soft smile and the same damn sad eyes that everyone else had.

Maria just nodded in response, watching the two of them leave. She felt her heart clench slightly, she knew that they would keep in touch. It had just been so long since she had been able to relax with her old S.O's, to be open and affectionate with them. She missed them and wish she could have went with them.

“How much do you remember of Barton's farm?”

“Clint has a farm?”

* * *

Clint did indeed have a farm. It was massive, Maria absently wondered if he held any live stock or if it was just food products that he produced. Or was it just land that he owned?

Maria loved goats and she hoped he had them. She would never tell anyone, minus Natasha of course, but she thinks they are hilarious. She remembered that they would sit up late in bed, laughing themselves stupid over goat screaming videos. Maria had cracked a joke about getting a goat as a pet and taking it to the office with her. The next day she had woken up to a goat teddy tucked into her arms. Natasha was still in bed, not looking like she had moved from their position last night.

She remembered rolling her eyes and hugging the goat close before lying back down, curling tightly around her soulmate with the goat between them. Maria decided that this was her favourite memory so far.

“What are you thinking about?” Natasha asked quietly from her side.

“Goats.” Maria replied instantly.

Natasha lips curled up in happiness, “You miss Goaty McGoat Goat?”

“Is that what I name it?” Maria asked, outraged at that name.

Natasha chuckled, her body automatically leaning towards Maria. “Yeah, the day I gave it to you, you came down with a fever. You had just woken up from a nap and proclaimed him Goaty McGoat Goat. It just stuck surprisingly.”

Maria groaned. Typical, of course she named her precious goat in during a fever. “When we get a real goat, we are not calling it that.”

“When?” Natasha cocked an eyebrow, “where do you suggest we keep said Goat.”

“At SHIELD, duh.”

“You know, that's exactly what you said the first time around.” Natasha said, clearly amused with the conversation.

Maria gave her a smile, hoping that it reached her eyes. The easy conversation between the two of them was a nice break from her usual morbid thoughts of knowing nothing and knowing too much. She glanced quickly over at Clint and lowered her.

“Does Clint have goats on his farm?”

* * *

Clint did not have goats, sadly. Maria tried her hardest not to pout over that. What Clint did have, was two children. Lila and Cooper. The two children had yelled for their “Aunty Nat” and “Aunty Maria”. Maria was stumbling over her feet as she tried to move away from the oncoming children.

“Kids, what did Mommy say to you?” Clint had asked them sternly. It instantly slowed the two kids down as they looked over at Maria with big, sad eyes. She had to look away, it was like looking at cartoon puppy dog eyes. Draws you in, makes you feel sorry for them and then give them the world.

“Aunty Maria hurt her head and may not remember us.” Cooper recited, looking sad as realised that his Aunt did not remember him.

Maria hid behind Clint like the mature adult she was. She couldn't look at the kids. Couldn't bare the fact that she could not remember them for the life of her.

“Aunty Maria will be back to her usual self soon. We're going to say with you until she is! Isn't that fun?” Natasha gushed, blocking the kids view of Maria as she tackled them into a hug. Both kids had squealed and immediately began dragging their Aunt into the house to show her their toys and drawings.

“Sorry about them, they get so excited to see you guys.” Clint apologised.

Maria shook her head, “no need to apologise. I take it we don't visit often?”

Clint gave her a smile “you guys visit when you can but you're the Deputy Director of a large spy organisation. It's not easy to get the time off to come here incognito.”

Maria nodded in understanding. It made sense that it would be difficult for to get the time off. Natasha had explained that they don't normally fly a jet here as they were worried about someone tracking the co-ordinates and so they would normally drive, which could be a 10+ hour drive depending on where they were. If you added in her workaholic tendencies, Maria probably visited this place less than Natasha did.

“I'll make more of an effort.” She promised him quietly.

Clint grin at her and slung an arm around her neck, pulling her in close. “C'mon kid, let's go introduce you to Laura again.”

Maria made a face at the kid comment.

* * *

Laura was nothing like what Maria thought she would be. She imagine whomever married Clint would be just as mischievous, brash and impulsive as him. She honestly thought Clint's wife would have been an ex-agent, or maybe even ex-military.

Nope, Laura was a farm girl. No military background, has no idea how to get into a proper fighting stance and prefers to avoid talking about Clint's job where she can. Instead she was a kind woman, soft and loving. There was a look of understanding in her eyes, as though she been through this all before and knows exactly what Maria was going through.

All in all, Laura had been very easy to trust.

“Is this going to become a pattern with you? Bringing brainwashed agents to house to recover?” She teased Clint as they walked into the kitchen.

Clint gave her a loving smile and the two of them kissed. Maria looked away out of politeness. She did her best not to eavesdrop into their conversation about her, but they weren't being particularly quiet. She was thankful it was all innocent, Laura just wanted to know how she really was.

“Hey Maria, how are you?” Laura asked kindly as she moved away from Clint.

Laura had those sad eyes as well.

“I'm alright. As good as you can be when you've lost the majority of your memories.” Maria had been aiming for a joke to lighten the mood. She failed.

Laura surged forward and wrapped Maria in a tight hug. Her hand instantly reacher for her gun and her body tensed. Maybe Maria's assessment of Laura was wrong – she does have the same impulsiveness that her husband does, just in different ways.

Maria held her breath until Clint pried Laura off of her with a gentle warning. Laura looked at her with watery eyes and apologised before quickly excusing herself.

“My joke didn't work.” Maria told Clint, a bit disappointed that no one had laughed.

Clint sighed but gave her a tired smile. “At least your use of humour as a coping mechanism hasn't changed.”

“How else do you deal with losing all your memories and everyone giving you the look?” She questioned him, she genuinely had no idea how else to handle the situation. If she did not make jokes, she would be crying.

“What look?”

“Never mind.” She dismissed quickly. “What do we do now?”

“It's pretty late, I'll show you to your room?” Clint offered.

Maria nodded, then paused, hesitation was written all over her face.

“I made sure you and Nat were set up in separate rooms. Both rooms have queen sized bed, just in case you want to be near her.” Clint reassured her quietly.

Maria let out a sigh of relief and hope Natasha wouldn't be too offended with her choice to not sleep in the same room. When she was in medical, the doctors told her she often woke with nightmares and would never sleep through the night without some pills. She didn't want to disrupt her soulmates sleep.

Maria sat on the edge of her bed, Clint having left her alone sometime ago. Laura and Natasha had both popped in to wish her a goodnight. Natasha had lingered. Maria did not know what to say. Natasha left.

She stared around the room. It was massive. Too many shadows, too many places where someone could hide. It was the same issue in medical, rooms were too big and Maria did not feel safe. She bit her lip before grabbing the covers and some pillows and made a makeshift bed under her bed. Much better.

Maria hoped to sleep through the night without screaming.

* * *

Maria managed to settle into life at the farm without too much trouble. She'd wake up in the morning after a restless night of sleep. Have breakfast with everyone in the morning and wave goodbye to the kids as either Clint, Laura or Natasha took them to school (never Maria). She'd then spend the morning going for a run through the field and woods outback and would use Clint's weights for a small workout.

Natasha would then quietly join her and the two of them would either sit outside in silence or go into the house and sit in silence. Then came lunch with everyone. Back to sitting in silence with Natasha. Occasionally Clint or Laura would join them and the three of them would make conversation amongst themselves whilst Maria listened in.

Someone would then pick the kids up from school and Maria would spend some time with them, helping them with homework and doing an activity of their choice. Maria would then decided to take an afternoon nap but just stare up at the celling. Then she would have dinner with everyone and clean up - “they cook should never clean up.” - before going to join Natasha in the living room for more silence. Eventually Maria would retired to her room, crawling under the bed and hope for a full nights rest.

She was exhausted.

Who knew having a daily life was tiring? It was an to just do anything. Getting out of bed involved nearly an hour of just staring at the bed planks before rolling over and spending another hour looking at the furniture. Eating food was an effort. Maria pushed down the nausea that she felt every time it came to meal time and put a smile on her face. She couldn't offend Laura.

Spending time with the kids was probably the most tiring aspect of her day – though Laura told her that was normal with kids, they just sapped at your energy. Maria did her best to be as normal as possible for them. She laughed when they made terrible jokes, played every game of hide n seek, built every lego set Cooper and Lila could get their hands on.

Probably the most tiring aspect of her day was smiling. Smiling at the kids every time they looked at her. Smiling at Laura and Clint when they gave her concerned looks over meal times.

The best thing about her day was sitting in silence with Natasha. She didn't expect anything from Maria. The two of them could just sit in silence, doing their own thing and silently enjoy the company. It was the thing she looked forward to the most and the main reason she actually managed to leave her bed most days.

Maria crept away from the kids to her room. She planned on having her usual afternoon nap of staring at the bed planks, hoping that the simple act of lying down would help decrease her fatigue. She felt a sudden tug on her heart and her eyes watered up without her permission.

Interesting. An unusual reaction to going for her afternoon nap but certainly described how she felt. She passed by Natasha's room and paused. The tug on her heart grew stronger. Instinctively, Maria entered Natasha's room to see the woman lying on her bed staring at the celling with a mournful look on her face.

Maria didn't hesitate to climb in besides her and stare at the celling. She didn't say anything, would could she say? She knew that Natasha had been upset as Maria's memories were starting to come back but none of them concerned Natasha. The last memory of Natasha that Maria held was of the goat teddy.

She couldn't reassure her that she would remember all these wonderful moments Natasha told her, in hopes it would trigger a memory. Maria was scared that she would never get that time with Natasha back. She could see how much Natasha cherished her time with Maria, they way she talked about memories concerning her compared to her memories with Clint, Laura or the kids was significantly different. Natasha got this sparkle in her eyes, she talked more with her hands and she could not stop smiling.

Maria spent hours desperately searching her brain for these memories to try and ease her pain.

Not knowing what else to do, she slipped her hand into Natasha's and held on tightly. She was grateful when Natasha squeezed her hand back just as tightly.

* * *

Things changed between Maria and Natasha after their afternoon together in her room. Maria found herself more in-tune with what Natasha was feeling and had an increased urge to touch her. When they had their quiet moments together, instead of sitting on the opposite couch, Maria sat near her and would stretch one leg out until it made contact with Natasha's.

Over the course of a week, this evolved to Maria leaning against Natasha as she scrolled on her phone. Natasha did not comment on the increased closeness, simply allowed Maria to position herself against Natasha and would occasionally wrap an arm around Maria's shoulder.

Maria was also grateful that Clint and Laura did not comment on it. However, it did not mean Maria missed the excited looks the door of them would send each other or the whispering in another room thinking Maria wouldn't hear them.

Maria was extremely wrong about her first assessment of Laura. Her and Clint were far too similar and it was a wonder how their children were so....unnosey. Neither of the kids seemed to care about what happened to their Aunty Maria, they only cared that she has been staying with them for a few months now and would play with them.

Maria felt sorry for the kids when they started dating. Clint and Laura would be a nightmare. At least the kids had her and Natasha, they would help steer them right. Maria would not let her niece or nephew settle for anyone less than they deserved.

Natasha shifted against her, an arm sneaked its way around her waist. “Do you want to go upstairs?”

Maria nodded, she was starting to feel tired and noted it was near her afternoon nap time. The two soulmates silently made their way upstairs to Natasha's room – never Maria's – and crawled into bed together. Maria was grateful that Clint and Laura put double blackout blinds in their rooms, otherwise her afternoon naps would not be possible.

Maria lay shoulder to shoulder with Natasha as they both stared at the celling. Her body seemed to itch, her hand kept twitching towards Natasha but she wasn't sure how to proceed. It was one thing to lean against her whilst they were sitting down but it was another thing to cuddle in bed. Right?

Natasha apparently didn't have the same reservations as Maria and quickly clung to her. Natasha entangled their legs together and flung one arm across Maria's chest, clinging to her tightly. Maria automatically readjusted her position to lying on her side to make it comfortable to both of them. Natasha hummed happily and tucked her head under Maria's chin and relaxed her body.

Maria lay quietly as she listened to Natasha's breathing, her fingers slowly curling into in the back of Natasha's shirt. The feeling of safety and love washed over her and Maria finally relaxed into the embraced.

She finally had an afternoon nap.

* * *

Maria decided that she quite enjoyed being curled up with Natasha. Every afternoon she would tug Natasha upstairs so that she could sleep. A small smile would be on her face as she curled up with Natasha. Her new favourite thing was to run her fingers across Natasha's soulmark and watching the way she shivered under her touch.

It was intoxicating.

* * *

Laura made the stupidest suggestion ever. In the history of ideas pitched to her, this had to be the worse one. Laura had suggested that she sleeps in Natasha's bed at night. Natasha's bed! At night!

Maria was absolute not avoiding Natasha or Laura.

Maria still had no new memories of Natasha, just the ones that she was making now in the farm house. She knew it was taking a toll on her soulmate and she wanted to give Natasha some time away from Maria. That time was at night, when Natasha could grieve what she lost and Maria could lose herself in nightmares without embarrassment or fear of hurting someone.

“You've been avoiding me.” Natasha accused as she leaned against Maria's doorway.

“No I haven't.” Maria replied automatically.

“Liar.”

“Can't prove it.”

Natasha gave a snort and entered Maria's room, sitting on the edge of her bed. The glow of Maria's lamp gave Natasha such a soft look, a slightly more vulnerable look. Maria loved it.

“What happened? You know you can talk to me about anything, I won't judge. I promise.” Natasha asked softly, she leaned over and place her hand on Maria's knee. Maria stared at the hand.

“You want to be touched.”

“Don't be silly.”

“Maria, why are you denying yourself? Physical touch is needed in order to stay semi-sane when we've got a soul bond. You've been avoiding touching me for nearly two weeks now.” Natasha carefully said, keeping an eye on Maria's reaction.

She hated it when she did that. She did not like to be so easily read. It was annoying that Natasha could see through all her tells. On the upside, Maria could read Natasha's tell and was the only one who stood a chance at beating her during poker night.

“Hey, where's your head at?”

“Beating you at poker.” Maria explained

“You've been all of the place lately.”

“Downside of losing your memories – Clint said you were the same.”

“I guess.”

Maria shrugged. She couldn't remember meeting Natasha and she certainly couldn't remember what she was like during the early days. Apparently they were very similar in how they handled the loss of their memories and deprogramming.

“Laura told me that she suggested we sleep in the same bed at night.” Natasha spoke without hesitation. “Is that what is bothering you?”

Maria scowled. Laura was not getting a Christmas present this year.

“I'll take that as a yes. Why?”

That made Maria pause. Why? There were so many answers to that. She didn't want Natasha to judge her for how she slept. She wasn't sure if she would hurt Natasha in her sleep. What if she started disrupting Natasha's sleep with her nightmares – she didn't deserve that.

Worse, Natasha could see her at her low point.

Huddled in a corner under the bed, tears pouring down her face as she relieved the feeling of Natasha dying over and over. The muffled screams into layers of pillows. The scratching of her thighs. The walk outside to hit something over and over. The rage.

She didn't want Natasha to see that. She did not need to experience that. She had her own demons and did not need to deal with Maria's on top of them.

“I sleep weird.” It was the easiest response to give.

“You mean the fact that you sleep under the bed?” Natasha questioned back. Was that a hint of amusement in her voice? “I already know about that. So does Clint and Laura. We check on you during the night, Maria.”

Maria froze at that. “How long have you known?”

“Since the first night.”

“Why didn't you say anything?” Maria asked quietly. What else had they noticed but did not bring up with her?

“We figured you would tell us in your own time.” Natasha shrugged, “its not an issue, Maria. We all want to feel safe when we sleep. Under the bed is just how you feel safe. I slept in the closest the first few weeks I was here.” Natasha offered up.

“You did?” That surprised Maria.

“Yeah, and you know what you did?”

Maria stared at her with annoyed look, obviously she did not know what she did.

“You grab your own blankets and crawled in beside me. You slept with me in the closest for weeks until I felt comfortable to sleep in the open again.” Natasha explained, “if that's what it takes to make you feel safe again, then I'll sleep under the bed with...just... give it a shot?”

How could she say no?

* * *

Maria lied. Her new favourite thing to do was sprawl on top of Natasha as they slept under the bed together.

* * *

Maria was at her breaking point. Everything was just too much again and she could feel the fuzziness creep into her brain again. It was confusing her.

Laura smiled at her, but it did not reach her eyes. Her eyes held resentment, anger and smugness. It all lurked underneath that damn smile of hers. She was doing something to Maria's meals – she could only hope that the children's meals were not tampered with.

Maria stopped eating.

* * *

Clint would always squeeze her should when passing by her, Maria thought it was to reassure her that she had his support no matter what. Oh how wrong she was. It was clearly apart of a trigger, a motion to keep her compliant and follow along with the fantasy of an easy life.

Maria avoided physical contact from all the occupants in the house. It was the only way she could be sure that her mind held. Maria really hope the Red Room hadn't fucked with Cooper and Lila's head, they were too young.

* * *

Maria watched Natasha for days, trying to figure out what her angle was. She knew it wasn't really Natasha, it was just someone wearing a mask. Trying to trick Maria.

Natasha was dead – Maria felt it over and over. There was no way her soulmate could be alive.

Natasha was careful to keep her mask up, always pretending to be the caring friend, the caring aunt – the caring soulmate but it was all a lie. She kept trying to get Maria to eat, giving her worried looks. She also kept trying to curl up beside her at night but Maria kicked her out saying she wanted to sleep alone. At least the imposter listened to that.

Maybe they did not realise Maria was on to them. Excellent. It means Maria could prepare. She could get the kids out of the house, before she confronted them. Maybe a sleepover at their grandparents house?

Maria finally found out what Natasha's roll was in this – she was the reinforcer. She conspired with Laura and Clint, trying to find alternative ways to get her to eat, to sleep at night. One of them was always asleep outside her door.

Natasha was also reinforcing the trigger phrases through the kids. Maria almost lost it at them. Lila was going on and on about wanting to be a ballet dancer like her Aunty Nat. Cooper was talking about Natasha's hero suit, talking about how cool the red hourglass was and that when he was twenty-four, he'd get a tattoo of it in her honour.

Laura had joked that he better not use a rusted needle to get the tattoo. Laura had a gun in her lap as spoke.

Maria was close to breaking, she had to confront them now and escape.

* * *

Maria got lucky at the weekend. Clint and Laura had sent the kids to their grandparents for the week, citing that they needed to spend time on helping their friend recover.

Maria knew fine well they planned on breaking her and putting the trigger phrase back in place. She was not going to let that happen. She would not fail again. She would not fail Natasha again by breaking.

* * *

Maria levelled a gun against Laura's head, breathing heavily. She should shoot her and be done with it. Laura's hand trembled as she held them in the air. She was pleading for her life.

How pathetic. So much for the mighty Red Room.

“Maria.”

Her eyes flickered to Natasha. She was holding back a worried Clint.

“Maria, sweetheart.” Natasha tried again, “please look at me.”

Maria complied. For now.

“Maria, why are you holding a gun against Laura?” Natasha asked her with fake concern.

“Did you really think I wouldn't figure it out?” She snapped at her, changing her aim from Laura to Natasha. She clocked Laura running out the room. She didn't matter, she had to deal with the person impersonating her soulmate.

“Figure what out?” Natasha calmly asked.

“That you're Red Room agents!” Maria yelled, “I'm not going back, I'm not going through that again. I'll kill myself before I ever let that happen.”

Natasha took a step towards her.

“Stay where the fuck you are or I'll blow your head off.” Maria said with much more calmness than she felt.

“Maria, baby, I'm not a Red Room agent – not anymore at least.” Natasha tried to reason with her. “Clint isn't either, you know this. Why else would he bring you to his house with his wife and kids?”

“You Red Room assholes are sick bastards. It wouldn't be the first time you made kids play a part in your sick plans.” Maria snarled. She was not going down. Not again.

“We're not Red Room agents.” Natasha tried to reason again, “how can we prove to you that we aren't?”

“I know you are a Red Room operative! There's nothing you could do that could convince me otherwise!”

“What makes you so sure?” Natasha questioned, keeping her tone calm. Her eyes were on Maria. Maria knew what she was trying to do. Create eye contact with the erratic target, get them to open up, lower their guard then go in for the kill. She was not going to let that happen.

“Because Natasha is dead!” She screamed. “She's gone! I felt her die over and over! She was in pain, so much pain before you fuckers killed her! You resuscitate her, let her recover and then you fucking killed her again. You did this for weeks! You tortured her for weeks and you made me feel every second of it.” She raged.

She would kill them for what they did to her Natasha.

“Oh God... Fury was right. They fucked with the soul-bond on her end.” Clint muttered to Natasha.

“Shut up!” Maria snapped at him.

“Maria, please. It's me. I'm really Natasha. I'm not dead. The Red Room messed with your mind, messed with your memories and your soul-bond. I felt that! I felt them poke around your head with no regard as to what it would do to you. I felt your distress, your utter heartbreak. I felt you break! I know the exact moment you broke and fell victim to their conditioning.” Natasha cried at her, desperately pleading for Maria to understand.

“Liar!” Maria cried back. Tears were streaming down her face. The fuzziness in her head grow.

“I'm not! You were gone for five months Maria. They forced you to go with them by strapping a bomb to a child. They put you in a small room. They called their beatings recalibration sessions. The forced you to fight them over and over until you couldn't stand. They starved you to the brink of death, fed you and then starved you again. They forced their conditioning onto you, so many different formats. They tried so many different triggers phrases with you before they decided on the ones which would hurt you the most – the ones associated with me!” Natasha's voice was full of despair and desperation as she tried to get Maria to listen to her.

“That just proves you're one of them! I never told anyone at SHILED what was done to me. They asked but I never answered.” Maria growled. She shoved away her concern at Natasha's tone, ignored the tugging on her heart, the need to touch her. The woman in front of her was not her soulmate.

“You were pregnant.” Laura announced softly. “You didn't even tell Natasha. You just told me, right before you went back to Washington D.C. You wanted a fun way to tell Natasha that the procedure worked. A child with both of your DNA – your child.”

Maria faltered. She was pregnant? Maria couldn't, she couldn't confirm this. “You- you're lying.” She levelled her gun at Laura again. “There's no way Natasha and I could have a child together. It's impossible for two women to have children.”

“SHIELD were experimenting with bone marrow from both mother's.” Natasha told her softly. “You came home excited about it, Fury finally gave in to let you be a volunteer. You were so happy that we could finally start our own family. You even joked about getting Fury a shirt that said 'Grandpa to Be'.”

“I- I – no, not, you're lying to me.” Maria stuttered. A memory tickled at the back of her mind. A flash of a baby blue shirt that said 'Grandpa Nick'. A baby onesie with a SHIELD logo and a knowing smirk from Nick.

“You broke the moment you lost the baby. It wasn't when you thought I was being killed over and over. You still had to live for our child, you had to make sure that she grew up happy. But the moment you lost her, you broke. I was dead. Our child was dead. You felt like you have nothing to live for.” Natasha whispered.

Maria never told anyone other than Laura that she was pregnant. She and Coulson used to joke that Fury had a sixth sense for knowing when people were pregnant. She remembered being amused that he seemed to know as soon as she walked into his office.

“ _You have a weird glow around you. I suppose congratulations are in order. Is Natasha excited?”_

_Maria laughed, “I haven't told her yet. I'll tell her tomorrow once she's done with her mission. You better keep this to yourself or I'll be revoking Grandpa privileges.”_

“I...” Maria lowered her gun, letting it drop. “But I saw you guys messing with me. Messing with my food. Having the kids mess with me. They were saying the trigger phrases.”

“Oh sweetie, the kids weren't saying your trigger phrases on purpose. The Red Room made your phrases centred around Natasha. How she looked, her interests, the date you met. Everything was around your relationship with her so that you would never escape it.” Laura explained, taking steps towards her.

“I, the rusted need? Cooper talking about getting an hourglass tattoo?” Maria tried again, not quiet willing to accept what Laura was saying.

“Maria, you've not been yourself for weeks. You've been zoning out through so many conversations and not realising it. Cooper wasn't talking about getting a tattoo. Clint was. He was joking about getting a tattoo for the family. Cooper said if he was, he had to have something for you and Natasha. You zoned out and when you came back, Clint was talking about some rusting in the barn and what needed fixed.” Laura was speaking softly, but it felt like her words were hammering into Maria's head.

Everything hurt, nothing made any sense. She was so confused. What was real and what wasn't? How could she tell the difference? Maria dropped to her knees and let out a sob.

“I don't know what's going on with me.” She cried, gun fulling away from her hands.

Laura rushed forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Maria. “It's okay sweetie. I've got you. Let us help you. Please.”

Maria cried into her shoulder until she passed out from exhaustion.

* * *

Maria was lying on her bed. The house was quiet. Her head was quiet as well. Laura and Clint were gone for the day to give Natasha and Maria some privacy to talk things out.

Maria was grateful that all they were doing currently was cuddling. Maria was curled into a tight ball with Natasha spooning her from behind. Their soul-marks pressed delightfully together. Natasha insisted that they had to cuddle without their tops on - “You wont get the full benefit of marks touching without skint to skin contact” - Maria was glad that she listened for once.

Natasha was gently running a hand up and down Maria's side and left her to sort out her thoughts. After her melt down, the majority of her memories had came back. She was still missing a lot to do with Natasha, but she at least had some of them back – like their first meeting.

Now she understood why Natasha asked if Maria blamed her for what she did at their first meeting.

The Red Room had used the words on Natasha's chest as a trigger phrase. The moment someone spoke them, she was programmed to kill them. It was definitely one of Maria's more interesting first meetings. She would never trade it for the world of course. Being a murdering assassin with triggers is just part of Natasha – part of Maria as well.

Natasha had cried with happiness when Maria told her that she finally remembered their first meeting.

After the breakdown, they took a short trip back to the Triskellion to get her checked out. They were there for a total of days. The doctors did a lot of examines of her physical health and took many scans of her brain, as well as monitoring her brain activity. When Maria told them that she was finally getting her memories back at a steady pace, they concluded that her memories did not return as she refused to acknowledge the death of her child.

The doctors informed Maria that she could go back home, but she was on a diet plan as she was severely underweight. Fury also had her video chat with a therapist twice a week.

Maria took this all on board without complaint. She understand know just how bad she was – how bad things were for her. She still had a long road until she was her usual self again but she had the support of her family.

“I don't think I could ever try and carry a child again.” Maria whispered into the darkness.

“That's okay.” Natasha whispered back, tightening her grip around Maria.

“You want kids.” Maria stated.

“I can live without kids. I can't live without you. I'm happy with my life as it is.” Natasha replied calmly.

Maria fell silent again. She really hoped Natasha was okay living without children. Maria wasn't sure that she would want them again in the future. The trauma of losing her child in such a violent way still gave her nightmares and made her weary being left alone with Cooper and Lila.

Her poor niece and nephew didn't understand why their fun Aunty Maria suddenly became distance, why she didn't want to be left alone with them anymore. Maria wanted to explain it to them, but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to speak the words in front of such innocence.

Thankfully Laura and Clint stepped in and spoke to the kids about it. Now Cooper and Lila would leave little presents for her around the house to find. Mainly drawings of the two of them with Maria and Natasha.

Maria proudly hung the drawings all over her room and her door.

“Natasha?”

“Yeah?”

“I'm scared that I wont ever be myself again.” Maria admitted quietly.

It's been exactly 1 year and 4 months since she was kidnapped. It's been 6 months since she was saved by SHIELD and deprogrammed. The recovery was taking longer than anyone had expected – especially Maria. One thing she loathed to admit was that she was scared she was going to lose her job.

SHILED meant everything to Maria. It gave her a sense of purpose. It gave her a family. It gave her Natasha. To lose that... well, Maria wasn't too sure how she would react but she knew it would not be a positive reaction.

Fury had reassured her over and over that her job will be available to her once she has fully recovered. He gave her access to her SHIELD account and was given permission to read up on everything that she has missed over the last year and half. Her therapist even told Fury that a light amount of paper work would help establish a normal routine again and help her on her recovery.

Maria was still scared that she would lose her job because she was no longer the same person she was a year and a half ago.

“That's okay, Maria. I love you the way you are right now. I loved you a year and a half a go and I'll still love you in a million years.” Natasha reassured her with a kiss to her shoulder.

“A million years, huh?” Maria questioned.

“We're going to be so old and wrinkly.” Natasha teased.

Maria cracked a smile at that. That was the dream – to grow old with Natasha. To live a full life with her, to explore the world. To be happy.

Could she be happy again? Truly happy?

“Nat?”

“Yeah babe?”

“What if I'm never happy again.”

“I'll still love you and support you. We can handle it together but I'm not too worried. You're stubborn, Maria. You're a fighter. You'll be happy again. I was able to overcome the Red Room and I've never been happier than I am right now, lying with you. I'm not half the fighter you are, I have confidence in you.” Natasha told her.

Maria felt her eyes water, her heart tugged once again. She turned in Natasha's arms and rested her forehead against Natasha's. She stared into those green eyes, filled with nothing but love and happiness. She could see how content Natasha was lying here with her, how confident she was that everything would work out.

Maria could get lost in the green eyes of her soulmate.

“I could get lost in your eyes.” Maria whispered.

“I could say the same. Your brilliant blue eyes are just so full of love, strength and determination. I don't think I've ever seen anything as beautiful as your eyes...maybe your ass.” Natasha teased, her fingers threading in Maria's hair.

Maria allowed her eyes to close, for the first time in a year and half, Maria felt content.

“I love you, Natasha.”

“I love you too, Maria Hill.”


End file.
